ESTJ relationships and INTP relationships are important to understand in life. ESTJ mean Extraversion, Sensing, Thinking, Judgment while INTP is an acronym of iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving. Passion is defined as something intensely desired with strong emotion and feeling, often referring to one’s special activities of interest.
Though the word passion is well understood in everyday language and communication, psychology researchers have uncovered aspects of passion not commonly known.
Positive psychology researchers have found a duality to passion, with one form beneficial and the other detrimental. These findings are important to personal development efforts such as improving relationships, career planning and development, and personal growth planning.
Dr. Robert Vallerand, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology at the University of Quebec, Montreal. Dr. Vallerand’s psychology studies and findings on the dual forms of passion have implications for anyone pursuing personal growth and development.
What is Passion?
In an interview with Suzie Pileggi published in the August 28, 2009 International Positive Psychology Association Newsletter, Dr. Vallerand discusses his research findings on the emotion of passion. He describes one’s passion as “…engaging on a regular basis in an activity that we dearly love, find important and that resonates with who we are.”
Two Forms of Passion
Dr. Vallerand’s research identifies two forms of passion: obsessive passion—where the passion controls the person—and harmonious passion—where the person controls the passion. While harmonious passion has positive benefits for an individual, obsessive passion can be destructive to the individual and those around him.
Armed with this latest understanding of the common human emotion of passion, a person is better equipped to work effectively toward improved ESTJ relationships and INTP relationships, effective career growth planning, and healthy approaches to favorite activities and interests.
Assess Your Passions in Life
Dr. Vallerand has developed a passion self assessment form of sixteen questions which will identify the type and degree of passion associated with your activities. Identify an activity—including each relationship—and respond to all sixteen questions. This assessment has been validated and is free of charge, and does not require name or email identification.
The person obsessive about an activity will feel compelled to participate in the activity, even to the extent of feeling guilty if not participating. The obsessively passionate may feel conflicted about the activity in relation to other activities which are slighted.
With respect to a relationship, obsessive passion will be controlling to the extent of eventually damaging the relationship. Dr. Vallerand’s research found that the partners of men who are obsessively passionate are less happy in the relationship than partners of harmoniously passionate men.
A person involved in a harmoniously passionate activity feels free to choose to pursue the activity or something else. A harmonious passion activity does not control like obsessive passion. Because the individual is more in control, there is little or no conflict when either choosing the preferred activity or another one.
Is Everyone Passionate About Something?
When considering career plans, career transition, and personal growth areas, one is often advised to identify one’s passions and attempt to find career paths that align well with the passion. Though this makes perfect intuitive sense, Dr. Vallerand’s research finds the surprising result that fifteen to twenty-percent of people do not have identifiable passions.
Coaches and counselors who press to identify passions assuming everyone has them, may introduce unnecessary frustration in a futile exercise.
Dr. Vallerand explains that passions are not integral to a person as are strengths. Passions are formed and grown through nurturing. Dr. Vallerand believes, though, that one can learn to be passionate.
The Implications of Passion Duality
Better understanding of the type and degree of one’s passions toward activities and people can be important when addressing issues such as improving relationships, career planning, and personal growth. Striving for harmonious passion in one’s activities and relationships provides benefits and avoids the damaging impact of obsessive passion.
ESTJ relationships, INTP relationships advice
Some people are annoying. They have habits, tics, and mannerisms that get under the skin and annoy, irritate, aggravate, and anger. It may be all you can do to tolerate being with these people. Perhaps you try to avoid them when possible, but unfortunately, some of these folks are family, neighbors, co-workers, and even spouses. What can you do about annoying family relations?
When you can’t avoid them perhaps you try to help them change. You’ve probably tried everything you can think of to change them. All to no avail, they’re still annoying. When will they ever learn?
Why is it that some behaviors annoy and others don’t?
Reflection on Bad Habits
Before you go too far in self congratulations on being superior, likeable, and easy to get along with, consider that everyone is annoying to others at times.
The sad truth is that annoying bad habits and behaviors in others are likely to be more about internal feelings one has about oneself than about other people. The old adage, “If you spot it, you’ve got it,” is often true. Any strong reaction to something emanating from another is generally a result of some internal, personal belief or dislike about oneself.
Because people often have behaviors and mannerisms that they dislike in themselves, yet have been unsuccessful in changing, they have strong reactions when seeing these same mannerisms in others. The self-annoyance or anger is re-directed toward others.
There are two suggestions that can help alter the perspective with which you experience annoying behaviors, thereby helping to improve the relationship.
1. Consider that a behavior which annoys may be a positive trait with a bit too much intensity. Just as a favorite song fails to be pleasing when the volume is turned up too high, a strong character trait can be annoying when pursued too vigorously. This is when persistence becomes stubbornness, decisiveness becomes domineering, leadership becomes autocracy, and caution becomes fear of taking action.
When confronted with an annoying behavior, identify the corresponding positive trait. Reflect on whether the person is simply applying this trait with a bit too much vigor or intensity.
2. Look within for the means of calming someone’s annoying behavior. Is this behavior something that you exhibit at times? Are you proud of this behavior? If not, work on improving this aspect of self. It will move your focus from another to yourself, which is the only meaningful change you can accomplish anyway, and it will generate greater empathy for the other person obviously struggling with the same problem.
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