Four negative behavior patterns in love marriage problem

Love marriage problem – All marriage partners have love marriage problem. All marriage partners have arguments from time to time and these may cause them to fall into negative behavior patterns. John M. Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman describe some of these love marriage problem behaviors in their book, 10 Lessons to Transform your Marriage (Crown Publishers, 2006). They also give advice on how to turn negative reactions and conflict into positive confrontations.

Criticism Within a Love Marriage Problem

When people marry and live together, it is easy for faults to be magnified and tempers to rise. Small irritations develop into big issues and husbands and wives start to accuse and criticize each other. Critical statements often begin with, “You always,” or “You never.”

Criticism can be overcome by approaching love marriage problem in a gentle non-accusing manner. This includes the use of the phrase, “I feel sad when,” rather than, “You always.” When criticism is changed into constructive conversation, the couple often find their relationship improves greatly.

Defensiveness in Marital Conflict

Some marriage partners are unable to accept correction and react by being defensive. This is seen when they refuse to take responsibility for mistakes and defend themselves by making excuses. They may also resort to whining and complaining about their spouse’s behavior.

Defensiveness can be overcome by making a decision to react in a mature manner and respond positively to correction. It builds strength into a marriage when partners are willing to work on problem areas and to do so without defending their mistakes.

Contempt Within a Marriage

Contempt is a nasty way of putting a spouse down. It is a combination of hostility, disgust, sarcasm, mockery and belligerence. Marriage partners often show contempt when their spouse does something inappropriate or fails repeatedly in a certain area.

Contempt is a nasty habit that can be overcome by stopping to think before acting and speaking. When grace is extended to the offending partner, it often brings a more positive result and a subsequent change in behavior.

Stonewalling a Marriage Partner Creates Conflict

This is also known as the silent treatment. One spouse withdraws from a conversation and puts on a blank face and stifles emotion. He or she may persist with this behavior for several days and it is damaging to a marriage.

Marriages are built on communication and stonewalling is counterproductive to this. Spouses who are willing to listen to what each other is really saying will be less inclined to resort to the silent treatment.

All marriages experience difficulties and conflict but when couples are aware of potential problems, it is easier to deal with them. Criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling are common conflicts but it is possible to overcome them all with effort and understanding.

How to Help a Child Get Used to New Neighborhood

It takes a while for a joint custody child get used to two homes. There are steps that parents can take to help kids with this big change. If you can’t stop divorce, it is suggested to help children of divorce feel safe and secure in a new neighborhood is crucial to making joint parenting work.

Divorce Therapy and Children in a New Neighborhood

When a joint custody child moves into a new home, even if it’s just for weekends, his or her parent should take the child out into the new neighborhood so that he or she learns the unfamiliar territory. In divorce therapy it is said children with two homes need some bearings when they are out in a new area, just like they need to know where the cereal is kept in the new home

Divorce Therapy and Joint Custody Child

Exploring and getting used to a new neighborhood is a step that parents often overlook. . Of course, this activity should be adjusted to make it age-appropriate for the joint custody child.

Look for landmarks, like parks, stores, unique buildings or houses, schools, streets, and anything that might stand out in a child’s mind. This will work better if the parent has the lay of the land beforehand, but this is not a necessity.

Learn the names of the streets and make a map. Point out especially busy streets which should be avoided.

Try to meet some neighbors, so the child will have a built-in neighborhood watch. Also ask if there are any kids in the area.

Walk the routes to school, the playground, stores, or anyplace a child has permission to visit, then make map of the new neighborhood.

Make an appointment to visit the school, if appropriate.

Take Time to Explore and Allow Kids Get Used to Two Homes

This will take at least an hour and should not be rushed. And, it’s not a time for mom or dad to dictate orders or lecture. The walking tour should be a fun experience for a parent and child to bond and explore. Moms and dads might try to see things through a child’s eyes, while letting children come up with their own landmarks. This walking tour is about helping children feel safe and loved, and should be taken with a parent not a baby sitter.

Helping Children of Divorce Feel Safe and Secure

Make sure that every child knows his or her first and last name, the new address(es), and new phone number(s). It might, also, be a good idea to put children’s names, phone numbers, and addresses of the two homes on the inside of a jacket or backpack. Parents can just write this on some masking tape.

Try to find a neighbor or neighboring parent where kids can go for help.

Show the boundaries for roaming without an adult. Kids should know how far they can go, and when they should turn back.

Explain that children shouldn’t take shortcuts and need to stay on the main roads.

If there is a store or fast food joint where a child might go with other kids, try to meet the owner or some employees and get their business phone number. If the children don’t come back on time, then it’s easy to check things out.

A leisurely walking tour of a new neighborhood may seem excessive to some hurried and frazzled divorced parents, but it is a good way of helping children feel safe and secure. It’s also a good bonding experience.

It can be hard for a joint custody child gets used to living in two homes, but with a little time, planning, and information, this big jolt can become a smooth transition. Helping children of divorce feel safe and secure is good for the parents as well as the children. Some kids need more help than others, but eventually, all children can learn to love their new neighborhoods.