Almost every bridal magazine and marriage coaching centers offer tips for brides on dealing with the stress of planning a wedding. But what about grooms and love marriage problem? Bridegrooms often experience a significant amount of stress during their engagement, whether they’re worrying about money or afraid their beloved is turning into a bridezilla. Here are some common stress culprits and hints for dealing with them respectful relationships.
Marriage coaching experts believe money is a common source of stress and love marriage problem for any couple planning a wedding that should result with respectful relationships. Grooms may worry about how much money is being spent, and who is footing the bill. The solution? The bride and groom need to develop a wedding budget and stick to it. By choosing two or three aspects of the wedding to splurge on (within budget, of course), couples are sure to feel that their day is far more personal, and that their spending is under control. Being open and honest about how money is being spent gives peace of mind and builds a strong foundation for how money will be dealt with in a new marriage.
Although traditionally the bride’s family helps plan the wedding, grooms may find that their own families have many ideas and opinions about what (and who) they’d like to see on the wedding day. With the added pressure of impressing their brand new in-laws, it’s no wonder grooms are getting stressed out about family matters. Communication between the bride and groom can help with sensitive family situations. Many couples make a rule that the bride will deal with her family on the couple’s behalf, and the groom will deal with his family on the couple’s behalf. This can avoid family members being offended that an “outsider” is telling them what to do.
A Marriage coaching professional ask how many guys ever really gave a lot of thought to china patterns or stationery? Once engaged, a groom is suddenly being asked his opinions about a lot of things he never really thought about before going into respectful relationships. Or maybe his home is suddenly filled with magazine clippings about wedding favors, seating charts, and color swatches, but he doesn’t know much about his wedding beyond the wedding date.
Any wedding, big or small, takes a lot of planning and attention to detail. It might seem easier to not get involved, but the day is about the couple, not just the bride. A groom afraid of being left out of the loop should ask what he can do to help, and a groom overwhelmed by being involved in every detail can pick a few areas of interest to take charge of and focus on.
Because it’s the bride who is frequently under pressure to keep track of every detail, it’s the bride who often reaches her stress limits first. Many grooms feel helpless watching their bride be consumed by stress, and feel like they don’t know what to do, or what’s expected of them. The solution? Set aside time to talk about the wedding, and, even more importantly, set aside time to not talk about the wedding. Schedule a regular date night, and keep it sacred for non-wedding-related discussion.
It’s not unusual or unexpected for couples to experience wedding stress. If grooms can be open and honest about what they’re feeling, it keeps the lines of communication open, building a strong foundation for marriage. As well, sharing the tasks of wedding planning between the bride and groom can keep stress at a manageable level for both parties.
Wedding Planning – The Groom’s Responsibilities
Putting the ring on your partner’s finger doesn’t mean it’s time to sit back and relax now – it’s only the beginning, believes marriage coaching experts.
The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Being a Groom explains that the wedding “is (likely) the largest “project” that the two of you have worked on to date – and learning how to work together and compromise now is a great starting point for a lifetime of relative harmony.”
Compromising with the bride hopefully is easy; obviously if she is the one then the wedding was likely discussed even before the actual engagement. She probably has a few expectations already about how the day will go. Make sure to discuss expectations together thoroughly before involving parents, this ensures that the vision of the wedding is shared and can prevent problems later in the planning.
What is Involved in Wedding Planning?
The groom can be involved in many preparations including:
Setting a date
Writing the guest list
Setting a Budget
Choosing the best man or groomsmen
Registering for gifts
Choosing a ceremony site
Choosing a reception site
Picking a Dj or live band
There is so much more involved in the actual wedding planning so remember to be as supportive as possible to the bride who may be doing the majority of the actual wedding planning.
A Groom’s Guide to Setting the Budget
When budgeting for a wedding it is important to consider all the costs (and hidden costs for that matter) so that there is no surprise when the bills are tallied or even worse the money runs dry before the day arrives.
In Crystal and Jason Melendez’s book “e-Plan Your Wedding” they set out a good example of how to plan the budget.
First consider the bride and groom’s savings
The Bride and Groom’s monthly income x 20% (to start your wedding savings)
Multiply the monthly wedding savings by the number of engagement months before the wedding
Figure out what the Bride and Groom’s family will contribute
Add all of these steps together, the total available funds are the maximum you can spend for your day.
There are online aids when it comes to wedding budgeting such as Wedding Budget Calculators. Simply plug in the information required and the calculator gives the total wedding cost.
Budgeting is tough work, but make sure to be realistic, if your budget does not allow for 50 extra people do not try to include them. It is better to host your wedding event with fewer people then to try and have everyone and skimp on things. It is the Bride and Groom’s night, but they should want their guests to enjoy the party too.
Writing the Guest List – The Grooms Role
Sitting down with each side of the family and coming up with a guest list for some might be easy, for others, much more complicated, adds marriage coaching experts. The number of people that should be on the guest list might not be the same number the brides (or grooms) family thinks is acceptable.
For those situations it is important that the groom deal with his family, explaining what he and his bride would like. The bride should deal with her own families’ expectations as well. Dealing with situations this way prevents having problems with the future in laws.
The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Being a Groom suggests that, “it’s rude for you – or them – to insist on inviting more people than the agreed upon number.”
It is important to remember with the wedding budget that the number of people on the guest list will directly relate to the amount of money needed. Adding 50 guests to the list could add $3,500.00 in catering price while cutting the list 50 people can subtract the same amount from the total cost of your wedding.
However the wedding planning plays out remember that the wedding day is for the Bride and Groom, do not forget to enjoy it. Try hard to stick to the agreed upon budget and be a constant support to the bride throughout the planning and likely she will be a big support back. When all is said and done it is the marriage that is important, everything that comes after the wedding, so keep that in perspective.
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