Relationship challenges are much more easily handled if the early signs of difficulty are identified before they become a problem and before it reaches to the stage of incompatibility in marriage for married couples. Effective, open, loving communication is the vital element needed to head off problems before they can get to the point of hurting someone, or before the relationship becomes ineffectual. In any relationship, but especially a marriage relationship, the couple should always be ready to discuss the most basic of issues like sex, children, and money. In the best of situations, these should be discussed before committing to a life-long relationship like marriage.
Because imperfect people are involved in relationships, then relationships will be incompatibility in marriage. Some couples who have been together for many years may appear to have a perfect relationship, but most all couples experience problems and challenges all throughout life. The trick is to manage the problems and challenges properly. Most successful relationships are based on a true and total commitment to staying with it and working it out no matter what. These couples have learned to navigate through and around the often complex issues of everyday life together.
The most common incompatibility in marriage is poor communication
By far, the most problematic issue facing a relationship today is poor communication, lack of communication skills, or no communication at all. This should be no surprise. Just take a look at the relationships that work, and those that do not. In good relationships, people love and care for one another, look out for one another, and are very comfortable communicating openly. In bad relationships, people are out to make another miserable, are constantly critical, openly hostile, and rarely talk about anything, especially problems.
A good friend tells a story of an executive with whom he worked in the same industry. This executive felt she could never connect with her family, especially her young children. Even on vacations, this successful executive was on the phone or Blackberry continually. After an especially emotional encounter with her young children in which they made her aware of just how much they missed her, even when she was with them, this executive had an epiphany. She was communicating to her children that they were less important than her job. Her solution was to quit and spend time at home with her kids. She decided a relationship with her children was more important than her position at a major corporation.
Trust is a common relationship problem
Trust is a vital part of any relationship, perhaps the most vulnerable of all relationship problems. Most folks learn to trust as a young child and it’s safe to say the more trusting individual most likely comes from a family where trust was valued and respected. For these people, trust is given freely, and trusting those around them is easy. But for those who grew up around people who were distrustful or could not be trusted, it’s a different story entirely. Trust is not easily given or relied upon by these folks. That distrustful situation early in life often makes trust in future relationships very difficult.
If trust is playing a key role in incompatibility in marriage, then trust must be developed and nurtured in order to have a healthy relationship. Some things that foster trust in a relationship are consistency, truthfulness, fairness, impartiality, sensitivity, and selflessness. Being somewhere on time, calling when late, not being jealous, and doing your fair share create an atmosphere of trust in a relationship. Without trust, there can be no communication, and therefore the relationship will suffer.
Trusting someone else completely is one of the hardest things to accomplish in any relationship because it requires each party to be vulnerable and open to the possibility of being hurt. But trust can be the most stabilizing force in a relationship, an anchor that allows each person to rely on and be open to the other. In a relationship such as this, almost any challenge, problem, or obstacle can be overcome.
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship
There is no way to avoid difficulties and problems in life. Conflict is just going to happen sooner or later and lead to incompatibility in marriage. Learning to deal with and resolve conflict is essential for a healthy relationship, and that means each individual must decide they cannot control the actions, behaviors, and attitudes of another. Turn the focus inward and work to make individual progress on learning to face conflict head on and deal with it fairly. Don’t forget that trust and communication must be mastered before successful conflict resolution can be achieved.
Learning proper conflict resolution skills will help both partners to argue more constructively. The first thing to do when approaching conflict is to decide on a reaction to the conflict. Even the most difficult problem must be approached calmly and objectively with an open mind, even when resolution seems impossible. Honest assessment of intentions is also critical. Are comments intended to resolve the situation or to cause pain or blame?
Don’t jump to a defense without hearing all of a partners’ words. Be hesitant to jump in and interrupt. This is the time to be a good listener. Give when necessary, and always be quick to admit wrong and apologize. It may seem hard to admit wrong and apologize at first, but it just gets harder with every passing moment. With good communication and trust already established in the relationship, conflict resolution will be easier.
Solving relationship problems leading to incompatibility in marriage
If one can get on top of these three – communication, trust and conflict resolution – the rest of the relationship is going to be a piece of cake. Think about the things that make up an ideal relationship and what that type of relationship would mean to one’s own life, the life of a partner, and a future together. Life is going to be hard at times, and challenges will arise. A healthy, loving relationship can help in avoiding some problems and minimizing the effect of others altogether. No partner will ever meet all the needs of the other that is a lie perpetuated by movies and romance novels. Communication, trust and the ability to deal with conflict in a healthy way – now that’s the foundation of a long lasting, great love relationship.
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