Plenty of research and marriage counseling questionnaire have been done on the relationships of those with divorced parents. Most of these studies conclude that children of divorce are doomed to fear commitment and to act out a series of dysfunctional patterns in their adult relationships.
Marriage counseling questionnaire finds unlike most of the literature on adult children of divorce, Elisabeth Joy LaMotte’s Overcoming Your Parents’ Divorce: 5 Steps to a Happy Relationship [New Horizon Press, 2008] takes an optimistic approach. LaMotte begins by stating that fear of commitment can be beneficial, and goes on to explore both the positive and negative impact of parental divorce with fresh eyes.
Marriage counseling questionnaire – Adult Children of Divorce
“Adult children of divorce” or “ACOD” is a term often used to describe those whose parents separated or divorced when they were already adults. Overcoming Your Parents’ Divorce, however, explores the experiences of adults whose parents divorced when they were children. LaMotte excluded from her survey those whose parents divorced when they were over 21 years of age, since the psychological impact is different.
“Facing the Mirror” and Recognizing the “Dividend”
The greatest strength of Overcoming Your Parents’ Divorce as opposed to some of the other books written for ACODs is in the exercises and constructive steps provided herein. LaMotte devotes several chapters of the book to “facing the mirror” – considering your own relationships in light of your parents’ and grandparents’ successes and failures – and another section to recognizing what she calls the “dividend” – the overlooked gains from your parents’ divorce.
If anything, this “dividend” is the theme of the book: that children of divorce are uniquely situated to avoid making their parents’ mistakes and to consider and make their own relationship choices, informed by both the good and the bad of the past. If nothing else, it’s an optimistic message that empowers ACODs to see the impact of their parents’ divorce in a new light.
Overcoming Your Parents Divorce: Forging New Patterns in Your Own Relationships
As a “survivor” of parental divorce herself, LaMotte speaks freely and eloquently on the subject of her own parents’ marriage and separation, and about her dating experiences and relationship phobias. She also shares the challenges and wisdom gleaned from her own happy marriage. The effect of these personal anecdotes makes the book feel real and inspiring; the reader is left with the impression that it might be possible for other adult children of divorce to duplicate LaMotte’s success and the successes of the happier correspondents to her survey.
A reader is also left with the impression of a beautiful fragility inherent in even the most successful relationships. “I’m surprised by what we have,” LaMotte writes of her marriage – something she attributes to the loss of innocence after her parents’ divorce. “This sense of surprise can be viewed as a scar…. its defining presence reminds me of our good fortune and makes me cherish all we have.”
The biggest danger of this book is in its tendency to oversimplify marriage counseling questionnaire. At the same time as LaMotte attempts to show the complexity and variety of responses experienced by ACODs, through personal stories shared in their own words, she also suggests labeling people with such terms as “apples” or “candy bars” and relationship patterns as either “renting” or “buying.” It may be difficult for a reader to qualify relationships and people in their life under these terms without serious scrutiny or professional help.
Although Overcoming Your Parents’ Divorce doesn’t completely fulfill on its potential, it is certainly a worthwhile read and will undoubtedly be helpful to many in understanding the lasting impact of their parents’ divorce and in recovering the ability to trust and commit in their own adult relationships.
PAS: Parental Alienation Syndrome
In marriage counseling questionnaire the parental alienation syndrome is not new. Fortunately for this thirteen year old boy, the Ontario Superior Court issued an order stating the boy must have professional intervention in order to reverse the brainwashing. The mother’s lawyer stated that this is precedent setting in Canada.
In May 2006, the state of Maine recognized that parental alienation syndrome is a serious issue. Governor John E. Baldacci signed a proclamation recognizing April 25 as “Parental Alienation Awareness Day.”
What is PAS
According to marriage counseling questionnaire parental alienation syndrome is a disorder that arises mostly in the context of child custody disputes. One parent in a perverse effort to gain control will programme or “brainwash” his child into believing that the other parent is a very bad person. The alienation generally extends to the non-custodial parent’s family as well. This was first identified in 1985 by psychiatrist Dr. Richard Gardner.
Divorce and custody litigation can be a nightmare. Unfortunately children undergo thought reform or mild brainwashing during this process. No matter how hard some couples try, criticisms of each other come out and children are highly perceptive. Sadly, PAS is much more serious than an occasional insult. It involves a systematic vilification by one parent of the other parent, brainwashing the child with the sole purpose to alienate the child from the other parent.
How Serious Is PAS
An example of how horrendous parental alienation syndrome can get was reported by ABC13 Eyewitness News in Houston, Texas on December 29, 2004. A ten year old boy was accused of murdering his father. Rick James Lohstroh was fatally shot in the summer of 2004 by his son who was a victim of parental alienation syndrome.
Embittered divorces can and do manipulate a child’s mind. Mothers are usually awarded custody of the children and father’s rights are obscured. According to L.F. Lowenstein Ma, Dip. Psych., PhD, he says 75% of the time women are committing this form of child abuse. The biggest losers in this psychological battle are the children.
If You Are an Alienated Parent
As per divorce therapy expert parents dealing with being alienated are often frustrated, angered, hurt and feel powerless. If you are an alienated parent there are some important things to remember.
Never give up on your children
Keep anger and hurt feelings under control. Losing control fuels the alienating parent and empowers him or her further.
Don’t stop going to pick up your children when it is your time. Always keep showing up unless court ordered otherwise, adds divorce therapy expert.
Never display hostility toward your ex in your children’s company. This will only make matters much worse.
Keep a diary of everything! Logging everything may eventually be your saviour.
Maintain a positive relationship with your child. Never ask your child for information about what goes on when he or she is with your ex.
Don’t violate court orders
In divorce therapy it is strictly said not to wait to intervene when problems start. Many times alienation problems deepen when you or your ex enters into a new relationship. If there is a problem, contact your attorney or seek out various websites to get help.
If your ex makes a false allegation of abuse against you, no matter how difficult it will be, always cooperate with authorities.
If you have an attorney, get research to help your case and ask that your counsel seek court ordered support for family therapy and deprogramming.
If you are a victim of PAS be sure to develop a good support network of family and friends who can help you get through what may be a very long and rocky road. Seek legal and professional help if your finances permit it. Above all else, be sure to educate yourself. There are many credible divorce therapy websites that provide information and help on parental alienation syndrome.
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