The only way to get people to do something is to make them want to do it. A constant barrage of demands or criticism – in short, nagging – will accomplish nothing positive. Instead it will create resentment and drive a wedge between the married couple.
Many husbands and wives have a hard time accepting each other’s peculiarities. Instead of trying to change each other with improvements, criticisms or public and private put-downs marriage coaching expert recommends the married couple to become more accepting of each other’s little peculiar ways.
Stop divorce with good manners
To give honest appreciation and to be courteous can be summed up by saying husbands and wives should be thankful for each other’s contributions to the marriage and should use good manners. The feeling of importance is the greatest desire of all people. Every husband and wife wants to be appreciated for his or her unique role in the marriage. He wants to feel important to his wife and family when he goes to work, cares for the children or tackles household chores – and so does she.
If believed to marriage coaching tips one of the best ways to build up goodwill in marriage is to be honestly appreciative for all that a spouse contributes and to express appreciation as often as possible. Saying thank you is a basic courtesy that also comes from honest appreciation. Saying please recognizes that the other person’s time and effort has value.
Being rude to each other or merely forgetting good manners do not build up the marriage. In fact, Rudeness is the cancer that devours love. Husbands and wives are kinder to strangers than they are to each other.
Being an attentive husband or wife can stop divorce
The rule to pay little attentions is directed mainly at husbands. Many marriage coaching experts believe most marital discord is caused by small things that add up rather than one large incident. It is advised to create and keep a happy home life is to remember birthdays and anniversaries, bring home flowers on occasion or serve her breakfast in bed. These tips can help stop divorce in long run.
Similarly the same can be applied to wives as well. Although a wife may not forget her anniversary, she can show her husband little attentions. Examples might include writing a note for his briefcase, charging his iPod, warming up his towel after a shower or remembering to ask about an important meeting he had at work. However, it is not to forget that couples can benefit from open communication about frequency, timing and what they find pleasurable.
One of the important marriage coaching tips recommend placing emphasis on good manners, thankfulness and being appreciative. Focusing time on building up the marriage in small ways will help to keep the marriage strong and stop divorce.
Most couples would agree that their relationship has its ups and downs. Life is good during the up times, but the down times can be emotionally exhausting, time-consuming and can put a major strain on everyone in the house. There is no secret key to getting over the troubles, but there are things that can be done to help. Of course, no one would advocate trying to fix a relationship where abuse or infidelity are occurring, but below are some suggestions to help couples get over the bumps that happen in any marriage.
The First Move to Resolving Marital Conflict
At least one of the partners in a marriage has to make the first move to get things back on track. This can be very difficult to do, but making the first move demonstrates hope in finding a solution. It also means giving up some of the power struggle that inevitably results from relationship conflict. This leads to the next step.
Getting Emotional Distance
As challenging as this can be, getting some emotional distance from the situation is a must. What does this look like? It looks like (at least temporarily) examining the situation as an outsider; as someone looking at another relationship. It means taking out much of the emotional turmoil and dealing in facts.
The following is a simple exercise that can help provide perspective on the situation. In each hand, the marriage partner imagines himself and his spouse. The marriage partner then acts as a big compassionate listener or a judge, allowing the tiny figures to tell their side of the story, giving each figure full attention and enough time to explain.
This exercise helps in getting a firmer grasp on both sides of the situation, thereby providing a deeper understanding of where both marriage partners are coming from. On the next step…
Communication – A Must for a Successful Marriage
For many couples, communicating is about as easy as it was for Tom Hanks’ character to knock that abscessed tooth out of his mouth in Castaway. However, it is a necessary step. Once understanding, insight and empathy have been gained by examining both of the partners sides, it’s time to bite the bullet, take a chance, be somewhat exposed and begin the conversation. This is a vulnerable position to be in because as stated earlier, it means giving up some power or control and admitting being hurt.
The good news? Communication doesn’t always have to be that hard! The most direct way is for the marriage partners to sit down face to face. Helping this become a successful encounter include making sure the kids are not present, and being well rested.
However, sometimes it’s easier to build up to the sit-down talk and one very good way to do this is to write a note. The marriage partner first decides whether to write with the intention of giving the note to her partner, or if the note will simply get thoughts organized before the sit down talk. Then the note gets written. And re-written and re-written.
Please note that communication does not look like nagging, harping, whining, crying and blaming.
As stated, there is no magic key to helping couples over the inevitable bumps. Patience, commitment, compassion, love and hard work help get partners through until things get better. Making the first move can be the hardest step, but it opens the door to getting perspective and beginning the communication process.
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