One of the most heartwarming scenes that anyone would want to see would be that of an elderly couple walking together, holding hands, as if they were young sweethearts, and this probably is the mantra for respectful relationships.
But what is the cold reality regarding divorce and marriage? According to Divorce Magazine, 2002 statistics reveal that the U.S. population was about 282 million. Twenty percent of this total was married. About 3% of men and 3% of women were divorced. What is particularly sobering is that men and women under age 45 who were marrying had a 50% chance that their marriage would end in divorce. The average length of time before a first divorce occurred was about 7 to 8 years. This is not a very pretty picture.
If you have respectful relationships or are unhappily married or planning to get married, what can you do to beat these odds? Here are vital keys to strengthen your marriage.
Think We, Not Me for respectful relationships
When two people get married, there is a very fundamental change in their lives. For the most part these two individuals should become one. They eat together, sleep together, play together, talk together, walk together, and do things together. But the union goes deeper than purely physical activities. Their hopes, dreams, and ambitions should blend and become one. For a marriage to truly last, the partners should learn to think always, from now on, in terms of “we”and not“me.” Everything they do, every plan they devise and every decision they make should now consider what is for their mutual collective interest. Do you remember the song “You and Me (“we”) Against the World” by Paul Williams?
Think What’s Right, Not Who’s Right
Arguments, misunderstanding and fights are almost always inevitable in marriage. Sometimes one party is at fault, either the husband or the wife. At other times, both parties may be at fault. Repeated and unresolved conflict is a serious threat to a lasting marriage. Every effort should be made in order to keep things from going out of control. One of the best ways to manage and eventually overcome these undesirable situations is to agree beforehand on the “rules of engagement” or more appropriately, the “rules of conflict settlement.”
To quickly settle offences, both parties should agree on the principle that it doesn’t matter who is right, it matters what’s right. By following this principle, the greatest obstacle to resolving a quarrel- PRIDE- is quickly taken out of the way. The offending party should promptly offer the apologies and sincerely make amends; the offended party, on the other hand, should accept the apology to finally settle the matter.
Dwell in the Past
Yes, you read it right. Most sage advice has to do with forgetting what has happened and then moving on. This time as a married couple you should remember the past. Keep in mind the time when both of you first fell in love, the dates you spent together, the loving and caring things that you did for each other. Remember the romance of first love and keep it alive throughout your married life. This will serve as the fuel to keep the light of love burning hot and bright. There will always be something new and exciting in your relationship.
Do you want to see your marriage last fifty or more happy years? Would you as a couple like to grow old, walking together, holding hands like young sweethearts? It is very possible. US statistics show that 5% of marriages reach their 50th anniversary. Apply these vital keys now and make your marriage last.
Relaxation and Romance are Important for Marital Satisfaction
While newlyweds may put little forethought or planning into their bedroom’s atmosphere, married couples may find their bedroom lives become stale as time goes by. To have a more satisfying sex life, married couples should focus on creating a comfortable and romantic atmosphere in the bedroom.
Wearing Socks to Increase Satisfaction
Married couples who want to make their intimate time more satisfying should be focused on making sure their spouse is comfortable in the bedroom. As silly as it sounds, that may mean wearing socks while having sex. In a recent report, scientists found that study participants with cold feet were more likely to experience satisfaction when they were given socks to make them more comfortable in a cool room. Giving a pair of socks to study participants “allowed 80 percent rather than 50 percent” to experience pleasure while their brains were scanned, reported Mark Henderson in the Times Online article, “Women fall into ‘trance’ during orgasm.”
Focus on Making the Bedroom Comfortable
The take-away message for married couples is to focus on little ways to make sure the bedroom is comfortable for both partners. If the room is too cold for either partner to get undressed comfortably in the winter, for example, it may be necessary to raise the temperature by adjusting the thermostat, using a small space heater or adding extra blankets to the bed.
The bedroom’s atmosphere can inhibit romance as well. A bedroom filled with clutter or photos of family members and children can interfere with the romantic atmosphere necessary to make intimacy more exciting.
In fact, testers who tried a bedroom makeover as part of a Redbook’s July 2009 Sex-Life Road Test article, “Our best sex advice EVER – tried and tested,” reported the makeover greatly increased their passion and excitement. Author Lindsey Palmer reported that both men and women found small changes, like clearing away clutter, using candles and adding music created a romantic atmosphere that was more exciting and satisfying.
These results are hardly surprising given the findings by the team at the University of Groningen led by Gert Holstege that “deep relaxation and a lack of anxiety” were most important for women to experience pleasure, Henderson reported. A calming atmosphere created by soft lighting and romantic music can help a wife focus her attention on her husband rather than on the stresses of the day or the needs of the children.
Mood Lighting for a Romantic Bedroom
Mood lighting is one of the easiest ways to create an atmosphere that encourages deep relaxation for both partners. Adding candles is one option, but married couples may also install a dimmer switch on the lights, place colored scarves over lamps or use red or pink light bulbs to create a romantic mood.
Softer lighting is a way for married couples to compromise between glaring bright lights and total darkness during intimacy. As partners age and their bodies change, spouses may feel less comfortable being undressed around each other. Even women who have bodies that their husbands find attractive may be self-conscious or anxious. Softer lighting can minimize flaws and give both partners the body confidence they need to feel more comfortable in the bedroom and reduce anxiety.
While Palmer found that married couples shopping for intimate clothing together had little to no effect on their bedroom chemistry, that doesn’t mean that there is no place for such items in the married bedroom. Romantic clothing can be another way to increase body confidence by concealing areas that a wife may feel detracts from her physical appearance.
The key to more satisfying married bedroom life is to create an atmosphere that makes both partners feel more comfortable in the bedroom. Researchers have found that small changes like wearing socks in cold bedrooms can improve marital intimacy. A romantic atmosphere can also increase satisfaction by encouraging relaxation. Removing clutter and family pictures, while adding mood lighting and music, can create a more romantic bedroom.
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