Love marriage problem – In their book, 10 Lessons to Transform your Marriage (Crown Publishers, 2006), John M. Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman and Joan DeClaire discuss methods of handling conflict in matrimony. While these ideas are most successful when implemented by both partners for love marriage problem, they can still have a significant impact when acted out by one.
Approach Problems Areas Gently
Many couples fall into the bad habit of shouting, accusing and having temper tantrums when discussing an area of conflict. It is far better to take a soft approach and choose a time when both partners are free to talk. Try and state the problem from an “I” point of view:
“I feel embarrassed and hurt when you laugh at me in front of friends.”
“I get upset when you accept invitations without asking me first.”
The above examples explain the effect of the partner’s actions in love marriage problem. This is a softer and wiser approach than presenting the issues in the form of accusations:
“You made fun of me in front of our friends.”
“You always accept invitations without considering my feelings.”
A sincere apology is often an important step in respectful relationships to resolving conflict in marriage.
Be Open to Influence and Suggestions by a Spouse
The Gottmans and DeClaire state that many people believe that accepting their partner’s ideas or suggestions will cause them to lose power in the relationship. Research has proved the opposite in terms of love marriage problem. When a couple is open to each other’s ideas and work together on them, the result is greater harmony and a stronger connection. Don’t dismiss a partner’s thoughts and suggestions but experiment and see what works.
Communicate Needs to a Marriage Partner
A husband or wife may feel hurt and overlooked when in actual fact, the problem is a lack of communication about needs. The solution might be as simple as asking for the partner to listen while needs are shared in respectful relationships. Make a decision to be open and honest and try and address issues, wants and desires as they surface. Doing this will keep communication channels open and will help prevent small irritations from becoming huge explosions of anger.
Express Appreciation and Accept Praise in Marriage
As years pass, married couples often forget to express appreciation towards each other. This often leads to both partners feeling unappreciated which in turn can lead to friction and upset. Later, in love marriage problem. Here are some ways to show appreciation to a spouse:
Thanks for long hours worked
Thanks for taking the garbage out
I love you husband
Praise for a tidy house and home-grown vegetables
A bunch of flowers is always welcome
Give a man tickets for a football game and promise to accompany him to it
Comment to friends about a spouse’s strengths and good points
Conflict happens in all marriages and respectful relationships but there are ways to handle it constructively. If couples approach the problem gently, listen to what their spouse says and communicate well, their marriage will be strengthened on an ongoing basis. It is essential to work at conflict, as left untended, it can be damaging to any relationship.
How Arguments and Fights Keep Relationships Happy
Resolving conflict in marriage involves arguing (or fighting) without suppressing anger. Here’s what a psychologist and a counselor know about keeping marital relationships happy.
Couples who suppress anger are twice as likely to face early death as those who express it, says University of Michigan psychology professor emeritus Ernest Harburg. A good fight with your spouse could be the key to a happy marriage.
What the Research Shows about Conflict in Marriage
Brooding on the things that irritate you, suppressing your anger, and giving your partner the “silent treatment” are not components of healthy conflict resolution – or a happy marriage.
The key to respectful relationships is healthy conflict resolution, which means expressing how you feel honestly and respectfully.
Why Unhappy Marriages Are Harder on Wives
UCLA researchers found that when husbands go home after work, their stress hormone cortisol is dramatically reduced whether or not they’re happily married. In contrast, wives enjoy lower cortisol levels after work only if they’re happily married. If they’re unhappy, their cortisol increases when they get home. Chronic stress elevates cortisol, which can lead to many health problems: depression, chronic fatigue, and possibly even cancer.
To ensure marriages are happy and cortisol levels are low, let both partners unwind after work, divide parenting responsibilities equally, and share domestic chores. This, along with healthy conflict resolution, may be the key to a happy marriage.
How to Resolve Love Marriage Problem
“When couples get together, one of their main jobs is reconciliation about conflict and say I love you husband or wife,” Harburg says. “Usually nobody is trained to do this. If they have good parents, they can imitate, that’s fine, but usually the couple is ignorant about the process of resolving conflict. The key matter is, when the conflict happens, how do you resolve it?”
To vent anger in a healthy way, Montreal-based psychologist Dr Laurie Betito suggests starting sentences with “I feel…” rather than “You make me feel…” Try saying “I feel overwhelmed,” instead of “You never help around here” (which puts your partner on the defensive).
“Talking about your problems gives you perspective, makes you feel understood, and allows others to support you,” says Dr Betito. “You don’t feel like you’re all alone and hence say I love you husband or wife.”
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